dailymail.co.uk

From high-profile romantic links to alleged drug abuse, supermodel Kate Moss has never been one to shy away from the spotlight. Yet her recent, headline-making comment that “All men are b******s” has drawn the scandal-prone star into new areas of controversy, this time among the British linguistics community.

“She’s clearly getting at something, but she’s giving us precious few clues,” revealed Oxford University’s Dr. Martin Longbranch-Stlin. “What is it that all men, without exception, could possibly be to Ms. Moss that begins with a B and ends with an S?” The word has so far boggeled U.K. language experts. “We’ve been able to eliminate many possibilities,” continued Longbranch-Stlin. “Bivalves, bellhops, butchers, burglars, Biafrans. Not all men are unequivocally any of these things. And the fact that she would say 'B' and then repeat 'asterisk' six times aloud...Well, it’s even more perplexing. Apparently Moss is more than simply a thin, party-crazed shrew. There’s a brain up there, and she’s finally letting us know.”

When contacted by Soup Blog U.K. reporters, Moss’s representatives issued only this equally inscrutable statement: “F**k off.”

Peter Gilstrap

There are a lot of things you don’t want to catch: the mumps, necrotizing fasciitis and of course, boogie fever. But you will absolutely want to catch Joel McHale when he appears on the Best Damn Sports Show Period tonight at 11:00.

What sort of hijinks Joel will be fielding is anybody’s guess, but bottom line, Soup fans who have long considered Joel an excellent sport will be thrilled to know that he’s finally joined the selective ranks of the best damn sports. Period.

A nod of the Soup hazmat suit to Benabigdog2 and his contribution of this promo clip for the Oozinator, a member of the Hasbro Super Soaker family. The sheer excess of wretched joke possibilities for this thing is boggling, so let’s let the Hasbro website do the talking:

“Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise bio-ooze attack! Just when they think you’re coming at ‘em with water, blast ‘em with a shot of icky bio-ooze!" And as they wipe the bio-ooze from their eyes, you can lecture the youngsters on the Green movement. So remember, "With the OOZINATOR blaster you don’t just get soaked, you get drenched!” And drenched is way better than soaked. Also, this is a great icebreaker with the ladies.

Blame or applaud Soup buff Jack for this mysterious offering, but either way—we defy you to explain it! What appears to be just another clip from some Cops-like show quickly becomes something wholly other. Or is that unholy? You be the judge.

Pacificcoastnews.com, Dan Herrick/ZUMAPress.com, Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images

If you know Lou at all, you know he gets around. When it comes to Hollywood, there isn't a hydrant he hasn’t sniffed, an after-hours kennel he can’t get into or a well-heeled celebrity leg he hasn’t humped. The Soup Blog recently caught up with the notorious Chihuahua poolside at Joel’s estate while he sucked on a cocktail and nibbled an imported pig’s ear to get his frank opinions on the female canines of Tinsel Town.

Jessica Simpson’s Daisy: Oh man! Don’t get me started on this bitch! [Pause as laughter and head shaking dissolves into coughing.] Listen, seriously, Daisy is a great kid, for a Malitpoo, but these poodle hybrids can really be a handful. I took her down to TJ for the weekend once. She let me shave her down and I got her a tramp stamp right above that sweet tail. What does it say? Ha! You’ll never see it, amigo. She doesn’t shed.

Keep Reading

On MTV's new reality quest EXILED, Main Street has nothing to with it. Actually, it's more like Main dirt road, as we see spoiled brat Amanda from My Super Sweet 16 visit the Third World to see how people live without indoor plumbing and makeup—kind of like The Simple Life, but not funny. Rest assured, it's "the reality check of a lifetime," according to MTV.

Now that the records have been broken, the ratings tallied up and Michael Phelps has taken up swimming in money, let's take one last glimpse of the magic of the Olympics. Here's one athlete who may not take the gold, but leaves some. Right there on the floor.

Happyhomemaker29 is just one of the many Soup supporters who simply refuse to let the spaghetti cat controversy dry up and blow away. In the spirit of the notorious pasta-eating pussy, Happy sends this surreal feline dining experience for you all to enjoy.

Not only does Tessa the cat eat with a fork, she has been "taught" (Velcro, perhaps?) by her owner Faye to use chopsticks. "I thought it would be a good gesture, because we're going to Korea," explains Faye. Normally, this is where we'd cut away to Joel.

We know, we promised that actual, bona fide Soup clips would resume today. We lied. Oh, how we lied.

But you will be thanking us for that bold untruth after feasting your eyes on a boogying, unshaven Elijah Wood prancing about with Muno, Foofa, Toodee, Brobee and Plex on Yo Gabba Gabba!, a show that is—for some reason—on every hipster's TiVo these days. It’s annoying, sure, but maybe the Woodman's just prepping for his role in the upcoming film The Passenger as Iggy Pop.

Matthew Simmons/Getty Images, AP Photo

In a startling move that will no doubt resonate in judicial circles for years, American Idol has added a fourth judge to its esteemed panel of long-time arbitrators. Joining outspoken conservative Simon Cowell, human-rights advocate Randy Jackson and notorious wild card Paula Abdul will be virtually unknown songwriter Kara DioGuardi. “With Kara by her side, Paula has some backup, and now there is going to be a lot more ‘girl power’ on the show,” Fox alt programming president Mike Darnell told Variety.

The Soup Blog's sources insist DioGuardi was not the network's first choice, however.

“We tried our best to get Ruth Bader Ginsberg,” stated a high-placed Fox exec on conditions of anonymity, “but she wouldn’t leave the Supreme Court. What a disappointment. With her liberal agenda and ACLU background, we’d have seen serious fireworks between her and Simon. Hey did you read her opinion in Exxon Mobil Corp. v. Saudi Basic Industries Corp.? Talk about sassy!

"Plus," the exec added, "she has that cougar thing going."

Line 8 Photography, richninfamous.com

When it comes to promotion, longtime rap kingpin and entrepreneur extraordinaire Snoop Dogg isn’t taking any chances. The ultracomprehensive marketing attack for his new Rich & Famous menswear label will showcase items on Dogg’s E! Channel reality show, Snoop Dogg's Father Hood; in music videos and films; in CD packaging; in fashion shows during the rapper’s upcoming world tour; and via an original Web series.

Now, in an unprecedented move, the promo juggernaut has drawn so much attention that E! has offered the garments themselves their own reality series. “This is a truly exciting line of clothing,” said E! rep Vikki Barnes. “And thanks to Snoop’s maximum-exposure marketing program, the recognition factor of the shirts alone will draw a huge audience.”

The fact that the shirts are inanimate objects is not an issue, Barnes stated: “They're extremely colorful, and they can lay on beds and couches, hang from drawers on their tour bus or soak in hot tubs. And look at The Hills. No one moves in that show, and people love it."

E! Network

From PHILTON: IS JOEL ONE OF THOSE RELIGIONS WHERE HE HAS MORE THAN 1 WIFE? CUZ THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!!!
Though Joel did recently become certified by the American Religion Association as a fully accredited, one-man religion, it’s not—at this point—going to be “one of those religions” that allows polygamy or any other big words. In fact, Joeltology ™ is loosely based around cocktails, secret handshakes and Joel’s futuristic, sci-fi book series, Beverly Hills: 90,210. He’s currently accepting applications from those interested in brainwashing and learning more.

From little_claudina: Hi, I have some nice photos of Tom Hanks in Rome, are you interested? Where can I send them?
As long as it’s Rome, Ga., which would fit right in with a new regular feature called The Soup Presents Tom Hanks in Georgia: Mason Dixon Mayhem.

Keep Reading