ayem (noun): morning time; something those of us in Hollywood don't see until the pollution has burned off, usually around noon

beaucoup bucks (noun): lots of money, as in the flashy kind like Jennifer Lopez has, not the quiet fortunes of the Spielberg variety

Blind Vice (improper noun): story often involving drugs, sexual activities and/or preferences or other inappropriate/regrettable behavior deemed by our attorneys to be far too scandalous to reveal the subject's identity; essential weekly reading for voyeurs. Antonym: items found in Us Weekly

bod-goon (noun): bodyguard, often unnecessary, as in those employed by the questionably famous Wilmer Valderrama. Sometimes referred to as goon-guard

bum-licker (noun): obsessive worshiper of those whose bank accounts and/or egos are inflated. Said tonguing, although not always literal (but in some cases, can be) is usually for ulterior purposes, rarely for pleasure. As in: "Oh, that Teri Hatcher keeps bum-licking George Clooney, just so 'Vanity Fair' will think she's still cover-worthy and Oscar-party invite-appropriate

byoot (noun): a beautiful person, by Hollywood standards. Whereas Teri Hatcher would be rushed to the nearest emergency room due to starvation in most corners of the globe, here in H-Town, Teri's never looked better and is a byoot, to boot!

City of Fallen [insert word of choice, e.g., Lovers, Bank Accounts, Heartthrobs] (noun): as in Lindsay and Wilmer in the first, Heidi Fleiss in the second and Colin Farrell in the third. In other words, a dynamic of falling from grace by a famous denizen of Los Angeles

coinky-dink (noun): situational perplexity, such as if Teri Hatcher were to jog past George Clooney's front gate in a thong Nicollette Sheridan wouldn't be caught dead strutting in. Hmmm. Would that just be a coinky-dink, Tare-bear?

crank-a-thon (noun): series of continuous foul states of mind, e.g., Brad Pitt's mood after being asked by Maddox to take the Harley out for the umpteenth time

damn straight (emphatic phrase, very butch): you'd better believe it, as in "Paris Hilton likes to dress like a slut while visiting orphanages, damn straight"

DeeCee (noun): where duh Prez vacations to from Crawford, Texas

delish (adjective): anything involving humpy Taye Diggs' luscious lips or Eva Longoria's stiletto collection, which I covet

doability (adverb): unit of measurement of a sexy star's desirability. Think of it as a scorecard of how badly you want to chuck your spouse for a certain celeb (see also: humpable)

dollface (noun, very affected): term of pretend endearment

doofus (noun): what Frankie Muniz and Katie Holmes will always be, no matter who they date

Ef-Hell-Ay (noun): Florida, a place where only grandmothers should be living

effin' (adverb, profane): think of a modifier that begins with the letter F and that your grandmother would have preferred you never learned

fag (noun): cigarette...or Ted Casablanca

femme-flambé (noun): consortium of hot female babes so combustible even Owen Wilson would finally fizzle and peter out

goon-guard (noun): bodyguard, often unnecessary, as in those employed by the questionably famous Wilmer Valderrama. Sometimes referred to as bod-goon

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